You're not totally crazy -- My town, your town, our town -- Dad is flying the plane! -- Don't eat that -- The stuff that finds us -- Quit complaining -- Cats--ancient menace -- Don't swim alone -- The lesson of Mark Twain's cigars -- Surviving childhood -- Why we return to the sea -- There's no cure for a hangover -- How you know when it's time to go -- Some things that can kill us -- Trust -- A wise ancestor called Grandpa -- These are the days that must happen to you -- What gnomes can teach us -- Long live the clowns -- You're going to need some spray -- The good and the bad -- Navigating the wine List -- To buy or lease? -- Will you go out with me? -- Finding religion -- Why we marry -- How are you feeling? -- A Christmas Town hero -- Never trust children who dress as adults -- Sleeping together -- How to relax -- Try not to lie -- Don't fear the cloud -- That's amore -- Pack your bags -- The final out -- Regrets? I have a bunch.