One viking ship leads to another. How this whole thing got started ; A long history of weird projects ; The second ship ; Everything goes wrong ; Two steps forward, one and three-quarters steps back -- A unified theory of regret. No regurts ; The person you were five minutes ago ; Here there be dragons ; Making heads and tails ; Flats into curves -- Fears. My third favorite Roosevelt ; What if nobody cares? ; The cave you fear to enter ; If at first you don't succeed ; The opposite of fear -- Experiences. No turnarounds ; Cutting circles out of squares ; Vernon ; The danger of seeing one side ; Company policy -- Identities. A dog named Kyle ; Only an artist ; Best cold sandwich ; Reading the label from inside the jar ; I'm not that person anymore -- Relationships. It only takes one ; With a little help from my friends ; The worst kind of fat guy ; Kid president ; The hard thing about relationships -- Beliefs. A star named Kristina ; These things have a way of working themselves out ; I don't know what to believe anymore ; I didn't have the heart ; What doesn't kill you -- The people we used to be. Ounces become pounds ; My Danny DeVito body pillow ; "We didn't start the fire" ; The ship burns ; Greener pastures -- Epilogue: a note on new beginnings -- Acknowledgments -- Appendix: selected online submissions.