Prologue: Of kittens and mutton chops -- How love became a scary story. An introduction to the Darcy myth -- TL;DR: Pride and prejudice -- Candy-coated gothic: or, why Jane Austen was actually dark as hell -- Love is a haunted house: or, what Pride and prejudice would look like as a horror novel -- Bad dudes: a literary history. Love bites: or, a field guide to literary monsters -- First loves: or, the monstrous hunks we grew up on -- Rakes gonna rake: or, why we can't quit bad boys -- Twisted logic: or, why Darcy and Heathcliff have more in common than you think -- Monster fuccbois: or, what sexy vampires understand about Jane Austen -- Darcy ever after: or, maybe this is all the fault of fairy tales -- Our Darcys, ourselves. Darcys of our lives: or, the healing power of gossip -- Darcy and other eligible bachelors: or, binge-watching the myth -- Darcy on the docket: or, what defining Mr. Right has to do with our rights -- Conclusion: Darcy in our hearts.